This week has been a week of questions unanswered. And I hate unanswered questions. What do I do? What’s next? What decision is the right one? What do I want?

Sat in my son’s room tonight and started explaining to him somewhere of where my head has been lately and when I said the thing is I don’t know what I want or what do he stopped me and said “Mom adults get so stressed out. It’s like you become an adult and all of a sudden everything is stressful. How will I pay the bills? I need to make it home safe. I need to take care of me kids… but you forget so fast about faith. It is not about what you want, it’s about what God wants and faith means He has a plan for it all. The bills will be paid, things will be taken care of. But it isn’t as stressful as you’re making it. It’s simply what does God want and having faith.”

When I tell you his advice silenced me, I mean silenced and anyone who knows me knows it is hard to silence me. My dad used to say “out of the mouths of babes” but he isn’t a baby anymore. He is my 21 year old son who 21 years ago became my reason to live, my love of my life. My pride and joy. My thorn in my side as a teen. My ride or die. My element of confusion and pain but my joy even moreso. And at 21 a source of wisdom. Mom, it is not about what you want. It is about what God wants. Such a simple yet complex answer to all my questions. Where should I work? How will I pay my bills? What makes me happy? How am I the best example to my kids? Will I be single forever? Will the man of my dreams ever come? How do I heal from a lifetime of hurt and pain and the things I have never told a soul? The simplest answer. Faith. God has a plan. It is not about what I want. It is about what He wants. It is about letting go and surrednuring. It is about trusting. I may not be able to always trust others or myself. But I know I can trust God. I know the faith of my father was reality. I know my heritage rests on who God is. I know me as who I am is based on who I know God is. So, the answer, as a question, but is my answer…. What does God want.

All my life I have trusted God to take me from point a to point b and all the way to z and He hasn’t failed me. I have failed me. Others have failed but He has truly never failed me. Why not let go and let God.

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways says the Lord. Isaiah 55:8