The Middle of the Adventure

My story of me

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The willow tree

the god factor

This week has been a week of questions unanswered. And I hate unanswered questions. What do I do? What’s next? What decision is the right one? What do I want? Sat in my son’s room tonight and started explaining to him somewhere of where my head has been lately and when I said the thing is I don’t know what I want or what do he stopped me and said “Mom adults get so stressed out. It’s like you become an adult and all of a sudden everything is stressful. How will I pay the bills? I need to make…

grief

I laid in bed today and just let myself feel my feelings. I keep saying I have cried enough, but I in fact have not. I have cried over being caused pain by disappointment, not feeling safe, feeling not good enough, feeling lost. I have yet, until this week cried over grieving the loss. The loss of what I had hoped the future would be, the person I thought he was, the friendship, the love, the sex, the fun, and the person I was who was attracted to him. Grief is a hard thing and it has always come in…

I choose me

So I haven’t written in a few days or so. It felt like my world came crashing down yet again and I just didn’t have the words or the wherewithal to man through all the thoughts and feelings happening in my head. Even now, I have no idea what will come out, I have no title…I am just writing because it seems writing makes me feel more alive. The middle of the adventure is such a perfect title at 41 years old and still figuring it out, still healing from enormous amounts of a lifetime of trauma never dealt with.…